The Growing Personality

As your child gets older, you will notice changes in her/his behaviour and interests. While it's exciting to see your child seek more independence, there are new personal and Internet safety concerns as well. The following section outlines common characteristics of children ages 10 to 11 years and 11 to 12 years.

Children 10 to 11 years of age...

May start puberty.
Begin to develop a sense of who they are based on what they think vs. what others think.
Gain motivation internally, rather than just from friends or family.
Are aware of social judgment.
Their identity is still joined with their parents and they can be easily embarrassed by their parents, but at the same time they may seek a closer relationship with a parent of the same sex. This is typically only for a short time, until adolescence, when they tend to want to separate their identity from their parents.
Have an increased interest in role models.
Have increased body awareness, and negative feelings about their bodies are common.
Often act very independent and self-assured.
Have greater concern for right and wrong, and for people being treated fairly or unfairly.
Are more capable of following rules without outside guidance, but are also more capable of rationalizing breaking rules as they have more mature reasoning power.
Have a greater capacity for empathy.
Seek increased privacy as they have an increased need to start creating their own life.
Acquire pride and enjoyment from doing something well (e.g. in academics, in sports, in music, in art, in friendships, etc.).
Continue to test parental limits through negative behaviour, which consequently helps them learn appropriate behaviour.
Want to be considered as grown-ups and often pressure parents to let them take on responsibilities they're not yet ready for.

The Growing Personality

Children 11 to 12 years of age...

Start puberty.
Develop "crushes."
Start to see life more objectively — in "shades of grey," rather than in black and white.
Acquire pride and enjoyment from doing something well (e.g. in academics, in sports, in music, in art, in friendships, etc.).
Start to imagine what they might become in the future.
Are developing their identity. They verbally compare themselves to others to figure out who they are.
Having things in common with friends becomes less important than talking together and confiding.
Have an increased capacity to empathize.
Conscience provides them with more guidance.
Test limits as they seek greater independence, discovering how it feels to be brave and confident (fluctuate between bold/defiant and clingy).
Feel things more intensely as they have a broader emotional scope.
Experience adult-like sadness that shouldn't be trivialized. They mourn losses deeply.
Have a heightened sense of embarrassment (especially girls).
Can be vulnerable to someone who offers insincere flattery.
Understand justice and integrity, and can be outraged by those treated unfairly.
Seek increased privacy as they experiment with independence.